Most people know Darrell for his hilarious impression of President Bill Clinton on Saturday Night Live over the last decade. He trade marked his impression of Clinton with what he calls the “bite-the-lip-and-give-a-thumbs-up” thing.

I first heard about Darrell’s book when he appeared on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon a few weeks ago. The interview was more like eavesdropping on two good friends having a serious conversation. Darrell alluded to rehab and addiction of some sort in the interview. For some reason I relate really well to people who have struggled with addiction. Maybe it makes them seem more human. In any case, the title alone told me he’d tell his story from the gut. Something that I find refreshing.

It was not until I started reading the book that I understood his story started with a disturbing childhood filled with abuse, alcoholism and grew to a paralyzing fear of death. He chronicled violent flashbacks to his childhood abuse and ways that he dealt with the fear as an adult. Namely, severe alcoholism, regular drug use, and cutting.

After 37 psychiatrists, a dozen incorrect diagnoses, and countless hospitalizations, he found himself healing in the safety of a psych ward.

Darrell’s main abuser was his mother, an avid church-goer to her community and a vindictive monster in her home. The disturbing irony is that Darrell learned how to impersonate voices from his mother. His only connection with her was mimicking people on the radio and in the neighborhood.

The thing that I didn’t understand until I read this book is that cutting is a way for him to say “someone, please fix me.” His cutting was a way of expressing his feelings of worthlessness and a plea for help.

He recounted his sandlot-esque love of baseball as a kid. He talked about high school crushes, his first job as a disc-jockey for a 3am time slot at a radio station in Melbourne, Florida. He talked about the first time he had sex as a 15 year old and how he thought God was waiting to “get him” for his indiscretion. He talked about working at a New York diner in the ’80’s and unknowingly charming mob bosses (that would later be convicted at the hands of then District Attorney, Rudy Giuliani) with his impression of Porky the Pig. Another twist of irony is that those same mobsters encouraged Darrell to do stand-up comedy. Darrell noted that he grew up feeling an imminent sense of evil. The cutting, alcohol and drug use were his way of distancing himself from his overwhelming fear and feelings of victimization.

Darrell made his story unapologetically accessible. It wasn’t polished. It was raw. Even though he seemed to jump from story to story, and skipped around his life, I followed him through each chapter, flashback and epiphany. It was fluid and allowed me to get as up-close a look as you can get from reading someone’s memoir. It was unfiltered and brilliant.

If you’re interested in hearing more of Darrell’s story, here’s a candid interview via CNN:

For those of you reading via email or RSS feed, here’s the link to the video: http://bit.ly/tOPA7n

Share and Enjoy