Divine Culpability

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Every autobiographer will tell you that sharing their story is one of the easiest and hardest things to do. It’s easy because the story has already been written but it’s hard because it can be such a vulnerable endevour. This is true of my good friend Sonia.

The project to film and share her story was especially fun because we were childhood pals in France where our parents served as missionaries (but that’s a story for another time).

One of the themes that we explore in Sonia’s story is dissonance. There is a definitive tension between the glowing optimism of our childhood and the reality of pain, death and tragedy. Sonia’s unflinching honesty gives us the permission to wonder outloud:

  • Is God trustworthy?
  • Where is God when bad things happen?
  • Can we hold God responsible when innocent people die?

Enjoy Sonia’s story.

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The Goat

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I was driving on 35W headed north towards downtown Minneapolis when I exited on 42nd street. I was on my way to one of my favorite coffee shops to get some work done. As I came to the the stoplight on 42nd street, I saw a man holding a cardboard sign.

It read, “NEED GOAT. GOD BLESS.”

Needless to say, I was pretty baffled. Why would a homeless man ask for a goat?

The man stood no more than 10 feet away. Curious, I rolled down my window and inquisitively asked with a smirk, “what do you need a goat for?”

The man said nothing. He simply opened his jacket, revealing a big tear in the left inseam.

The light turned green. As I pulled away, I realized the man had written “NEED COAT.” Not “NEED GOAT.”

Can you imagine how he must’ve felt?

He heard, “why do you [of all people] need a coat?”

To him, I was probably just another ignorant, middle-class jackass that didn’t have a sympathetic bone in his body.

Forget the fact that I didn’t give him the coat off my back right there and then. The worst part is that I made him feel like trash. I dehumanized him and did nothing to right the wrong I had created. I simply drove away, turning a blind eye to what I did not have the [euphemism] to see.

The look on his face as I drove away is burned into my memory.

A long time ago, Jesus said something especially profound. “If you care for one another, truly think of others’ needs before your own, you’ll be happy, rich even” [my paraphrase]. But if caring for the needs of the most vulnerable people in society (the orphan, widow and the foreigner) is not one of our top priorities, Jesus says, “It’s like I don’t even know you.”

Ouch. That stings a little. Actually, that stings a lot.

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The Anatomy of the Soul

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Self discovery is a life long process. Understanding one’s own introvertedness or extravertedness is just scratching the surface. It’s not enough to say I’m people-person or a task-person. It does not do any one any favors by distilling who they are to a single category, a one-dimensional sketch of who they are.

One of the thing that I love doing is sitting down with some one, hearing their story, and discovering what makes them unique. Over the course of the last two years I’ve had quite a bit of time to process all of my findings. It’s astonishing how many people have chosen career paths that they are somewhat dissatisfied or don’t align with what they envision themselves doing for the rest of their lives.

When I ask a person who are you? I get a variety of responses. It’s not always as simple as what do you do or what are your favorite things in life but it’s more of a question of “what is your essence?”

“What makes you…you?”

It’s quite a mystery. Exploring this question with people has led to so many “a-ha” moments not only for them, but for me as well. We are not the sum total of our activities. We are much much more.

Think about it. When a child is born, what is it made of? What makes that child distinct and what holds it’s distinctness together? What encapsulates its essence? Is it merely atoms that form flesh and bone? Or is there something hidden deeper? As if there we’re in indelible mark left on each one of us that gives us meaning. Purpose. Essence.

This “essence” as we call it not only makes up our psyche, our intelligence, our emotions, but also our strengths and unique abilities. As someone who often speaks with people about their strengths and what is in their hearts to do, I find that every one wants to be firm and they are. Right now. Not after the accolades or special accomplishments but right now.

The part of the human essence, something we all share in common, is this deep longing for affirmation.

So, be good to one another.

P.S. For those of you who are fellow philosophy/theology nerds, I believe the bifurcation of body/soul, or body/soul/spirit is an artificial line that is more of a Platonic type of dualism. Often this leads people to make some sort of leap to belief that when someone dies their “soul” or “spirit” goes to an ethereal realm that some Christians think of as heaven. That is not what I am alluding to above. Nor am I saying that we are only body and no soul. It’s more of a mystery, an art than a science. The core idea is that we are integrated beings. There is not one part of us that only fits in a physical box and another part that fits in a spiritual box. If you’re interested in learning more about how I arrive at this conclusion, start out by reading N.T. Wright’s “Surprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the Mission of the Church.”

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